Wednesday, May 20, 2009

The Peanut Gallery Speaks: QA with myself*.





1.How come Nas doesn't make an album with just DJ Premier, Pete Rock, 9th Wonder, or Kanye West? 

Peanut Gallery's answer: If you know nothing about weed heads you should know this: they can come up with some of the deepest theoretical meditations, but will spend 5 fever pitched minutes looking for keys that end being in their right pocket. Nas is a masterful lyricist who can create some of the most imaginative and insightful stories through his words. Nonetheless, Nas is also a weed head, so we're sure that sometimes the most obvious thing in the world can go past him. Ok, we know what you're thinking, "so you guys think the quality of some of Nas’s albums have been solely affected by his weed habit?” Well of course that really can't be the full reason why; we're joking. But for someone as talented as Nas you would think he would have more classic albums, right? Unfortunately, he doesn't and the reason we fill he doesn't is due to the fact that while his lyrics are always on point, the soundscape that he flows across don’t fit him or his style. Take God's son for example. Yeah, it was straight, but not a classic or even a really good album. But if you listen to 9th Wonder's God's Stepson album, 9th wonder's remake of God's son, you'd swear you were listening to the lost tracks to Illmatic. God's Stepson is by far a better album because the 9th Wonder’s neo boom bap production style compliments both Nas's flow and the album’s overall conceptual development. So Nas, if you're reading this, please understand that as the goldenchild of the boom bap era your flow and rhyme schemes are kind of outdated in comparison to contemporary Hip Hop. This isn't a bad thing; it just means that your flow needs to be behind beats that hold onto the essence of the boom bap era(for instance, imagine Nas over the Grind’ in beat. Ridiculous). Pete Rock is still producing, DJ Premier definitely gets gigs, 9th Wonder is definitely still doing it, and judging from his work on Common's Be(classic) and Finding Forever (underrated); Kanye can do it as well. So Nas, if you really are reading this, please consider working with these producers in any combination that you desire. But do it before history really closes the books on you. Oh yeah, good luck on that whole divorce thing dun. 




2. What's up with Dick Chaney and the waterboarding controversy?

Peanut Gallery's answer: Dick Chaney is a fucking lunatic and waterboarding is torture. First, how can you say waterboarding isn't torture when the SERE training that the Bush administration used to develop its advanced interrogation techniques was actually developed so government trainees would know how it feels to be TORTURED! It's just so hilarious to us that in America there is an actual debate over whether what went down was torture. Waterboarding is torture; it was considered torture when it was first used during the Grand Inquisition, it was considered torture when the military was court-martialing soldiers for waterboarding people during the Vietnam War (peep dude sitting on top of homie’s legs in the above black and white photo), and it was torture when we did it to the detainees at Guantanamo. Shit, during the aftermath of WWII, America convicted a Japanese soldier of war crimes because he engaged in such “advanced interrogation technique” as waterboarding and ended up executing him. So it’s clear that we in America not only view waterboarding as torture, but we view it as such a heinous crime that it worth of capital punishment. Therefore, how can Dick Chaney and the rest of the Republican elite get away with this bogus nonsense that our usage of waterboarding was justified because it saved lives? That's just like saying a cop is justified in beating up a suspect because he or she might have information that could be vital to someone’s life. But in the America we know, suspect can't be tortured because our judicial system views all suspects innocent until proven guilty. For the majority of detainees being held in Guantanamo the evidence against them is insufficient and therefore makes them suspects of a crime. And in the America that we know, people who don’t have enough evidence to prove that they are wrong are let go. Yes, many of these detainees could pose a threat to national security if ever let go, but so do many criminals who are let go everyday in America. So if we hold onto our detainees indefinitely, what’s to stop us from sliding down the slippery slope of unconstitutional practices by indefinitely detaining men and women who have paid their debt to our society? Real talk. Besides, there are millions of people who want to destroy America, what’s a couple hundred extra bombers going to do. Ok, that’s not a good point. What we meant to say is that as America we have been responsible for being the moral compass for the rest of the world. That means we live by a moral code that we’ve established for ourselves and we do so even if it forces us to do something we don’t want to do.

Plus, like the character "Nice Guy" Eddie said in the movie Reservoir Dogs, "if you beat this prick long enough he'll tell you who started the Chicago fire. Now that doesn't necessarily make it so." Please understand that not only is torture wrong, but you're more likely to acquire felonious information from a prisoner by torturing them than you would anything else. So basically when we tortured the detainees at Guantanamo it was something that was both illegal and didn’t work. Wow! Shit, if you waterboarded us long enough you'd find out that Andre the crackhead was the second gunmen on the grassy noel that fateful morning in '63. Nonetheless, that doesn't make it so. Rather, we would be just saying that to stop from feeling like we’re drowning. So yeah, Cheney is a fucking lunatic and waterboarding is torture.

 

Why is Drake the most popular rapper right now?

Peanut Gallery's answer: On the real, Drake's a hybrid of Kanye West, Lil' Wayne, and Chris Brown. We think that at some point in time Trina, that chick from Harlem Heights who dated Kanye, and Rihanna pooled the respective bits of their famous ex-boyfriends' "essence" and created the genetic monstrosity called Drake. Has anyone really listened to this dude? His flow and his tone sounds like Kanye's, his lyrics have a tendency to make sound like Lil' Wayne, and when we heard him singing we thought he was Chris Brown’s left nut. And as we continue to study this Drake phenomenon even further we’ve realized that he could be the beginning of new type of Hip Hop. What we mean is that the kids love this dude and in time the kids might only want to listen to rappers who can both sing and rap. Haven’t rappers been using the auto tune machines for at least 2 years now? Therefore, doesn’t it make sense that Drake has come to game as the next evolution in Hip Hop. Crazy, right? Well, stranger things have happened. On another note, it’s kind of hilarious to us that the guy who played the physically disabled character Jimmy Brooks on the show Degrassi is a rapper nowIt’s funny because in the annals of teen television, Degrassi is just one step above Dawson's Creek and a step below from 90210. So if Drake is the biggest rapper out right now, we're guessing that the world can expect James Van Deer Beek to come out with the next great west coast gangster rap album sometime in 4th quarter (Westside!!). Also, the homie Drake looks softer than Theo Huxtable from the first season of The Cosby Show (drugstore cotton doesn’t even come close to describing how soft that is). He looks like this dude we went to high school with who never played any sports, gossiped with the other girls in our grade, and wore eyeliner. But our real problem with Drake is that he’s like the realization of the perfect marketing scheme. Think about it: he has an established fan base through his role on Degrassi, He’s light-skinned (trust me, it makes a marketing him that much easier), he rhymes like the 2nd most popular mainstream rapper, he sings like one of the most popular teen heartthrobs, and he is co-signed by the most popular mainstream rapper out right now. It’s like the perfect storm and everybody is being caught in its inescapable vortex. Sorry, but we for one are not impressed and it is our feeling that artists like Drake and Asher Roth are examples of why Hip Hop is turning into the most sugary sweet substance in the world. Where the fuck is M.O.P when you need them? How about some hardcore? Indeed!

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